The 10 Sexiest Uses Of A Laptop For A Man

You probably groaned when you read the title (which means you must be really bored to have clicked on it, anyways!), but don’t worry! We’re not just going to list “Turn Google safe search off!” ten times.

No, sexiness takes on a whole new meaning for certain people. Car lovers drool over Lamborghinis and Studebakers, fashion-fetishists lust after Gucci and Prada, and laptop gamers fall in love when they see blinding high-res, Alienware rigs, and lightning fast response time.

That’s what we mean when we say “sexy”.

With that in mind, here are the ten sexiest things you can do with a laptop…

10- Add More RAM

Ooh baby! We’re starting slow, here, but come on. What’s hotter than being able to run Gears of War at lightning speed with zero slowdown? Nothing’s more of a buzz-kill for online gaming than getting your ass kicked not because you’re slower than the competition, but because your laptop is.

9- Edit Videos in HD

As a guy who plays around with video editing from time to time, I have to admit I got a little hot and bothered the first time I tried editing on a Sony VAIO. Before that, I’d been using an outdated Mac that couldn’t even run Final Cut properly, and all I came up with was video that looked great on Youtube, and looked like total crap on my big screen. The first time you cut a video that looks good in full screen, you’ll likely have a similarly warm feeling.

8- Trick it Out with Cool Stuff you don’t need

You know what I’m talking about when I bring up Alienware. Glowing keyboards and touchpads, that soft, neon light, shining like the Star of Bethlehem in the dead of night. Alienware’s got a prototype in the works right now for a superwidescreen display. It’s about the width of two curved 24 inch screens glued together. It’s uh… probably going to be awhile before the price on that one goes down enough that any but the richest gamers in the world get to have peripheral vision, not to mention none of the games out there today even support it, but man! I’ll be first in line the day it costs less than a new car!

7- Polish it to a Mirror Shine

Most people don’t bother keeping their laptops looking pretty, but when your love for computing power borders on obsession, real tech-fetishists will sit there with a soft cloth, wiping away all the fingerprints and smudges, like a guy with a Cadillac will spend half the day washing and waxing his car and never driving it. Then you put on white cotton gloves every time you use it… Okay maybe it’s just me…

6- Plug it into your Entertainment System

I’m not even talking about using it for media like music and video. I mean update your blog on the big screen and voice chat on surround sound. Yeah, your MP3s will sound great, too, but checking your emails and reading Achewood on a jumbotron plasma screen is just so empowering, like a pleasure usually reserved for Kings.

5- Plug it into your Entertainment System… for Media

Okay, yeah, this is sexier. Still, using it just to show off and make your friends feel inferior is a lot of fun.

4- Using a Slate

If you’re still using a tablet, believe me, a slate feels a lot more natural. As legendary comic artist Will Eisner said “Drawing is sexy. Sketching a beautiful woman is like running your hands over her.” Yeah, with a pen or pencil, sure, but creating computer graphics has never been a sexy task. Drawing a beautiful woman with a mouse or tablet is like running your hands over her while wearing three pairs of skiing gloves. With a slate, it’s like drawing on silk with a seven hundred dollar brush. It turns graphic art into the sexy, sensual task it’s supposed to be.

3- Use the Text-to-Speech to Talk Dirty

Uh, nevermind. It actually just sounds kind of creepy.

2- Use Google Images to Find Pictures of Selma Hayek in a Bikini

There, I said it.

1- Sexiest. Hack. Ever…

Okay, the coolest thing I’ve ever seen… If you have a Nintendo Wii, you may know that there are certain games available for PC, Laptop, Mac, etc, that support the Wii remote. That’s cool, but one clever geek figured out how to make it cooler. It’s hard to explain, so just watch…