11 Reasons Gaming Ruins Your Sex Life
We are all aware that there are a number of things that can damage our sex life, but let’s face it, gaming is a biggie. We’re not just talking about the obvious factors either like playing for hours on end and staying up late into the night, no, no, no. It gets a whole lot worse than that. Just in case you are not aware of all the pitfalls, the following list represents just some of the things to look out for and that doctors have reported around the world so they are all very well documented.
1. Incorrect interference with neural pathways
This happens due to being surrounded by a constant field of static electricity, which in turn affects how the brain sends signals. The result can be incorrect bodily movements at very inappropriate times, for example, you are just reaching 2nd base when a touch of a graceful ballet dancer is required along with a stroking motion, then without warning “incorrect interference” kicks in and you suddenly start twitching, twisting, jumping and kicking, leaving the other half shocked, bewildered, and somewhat sore.
2. Repetitive fire finger strain
Come on, we have all had this whilst playing Halo? This is probably the most reported of all the gaming injuries. You know, hitting that fire button way too many times resulting in either a strained tendon or an uncontrollable finger shake. Now an uncontrollable finger shake you could get away with but a strained tendon would result in you having to use a different finger to perform any sexual function and as we all know those “other fingers” just don’t have the same training. Obviously this could result in an extremely poor performance…
3. Inappropriate phrase selection at height of excitement…
Again this one is very widely reported, it simply involves calling out phrases that are highly inappropriate for the situation you find yourself in. Some examples of these include “die noob”, “LMAO loser” or any combination of the following words and phrases; whoa are you freakin serious, LMFAO, time to kick some noob ass, blow me you retard, way to go, and so on. You get the picture. Can you imagine the face of your partner when they are about to reach orgasm and you shout “LMAO loser”? This would surely end up with any post coital cigarette being smoked alone in the spare room.
4. The gamer’s diet
Did you know that some food causes our bodies to release more sexual hormones than necessary? We could argue that World Of War Craft does the same but this has to be negated by the gamers typical diet of potato chips (crisps if your English) which is normally in the form of a giant size packet of Doritos washed down with huge amounts of Dr peppers… this will inevitably release huge amounts of MSG and Hydrogenated oil into the blood stream resulting in a short spike of energy to get you past that last level at 3am, but after that you’re simply bushed and just want to sleep, leaving your partner high and dry …
5. Level complete syndrome
You know, you promise yourself just one more level, “honey I will be right there… just one more level… yep be right with ya … almost there…”. Shit … now I have the super blast shot gun status of God and will have to keep going… “5 minutes, I promise …” 3 hours later and you finally make your way to bed, by then if your partner has not done it manually then they are certainly asleep … This can result in a very frosty morning after as well …
6. Disillusion character syndrome
Now this can swing a number of ways depending on your sexuality. Basically you really fall in love with Lara Croft or Master Chief and feel that by making love to your actual partner you are actually cheating on your gaming partner. This can be very distressing and can result in years of serious talking therapies trying to resolve your guilt.
7. Expansion pack problems
You’ve been playing for months existing only on your skill and your gamer’s diet and have all but forgotten your regular visits to the gym. Before you know it you have an unwanted expansion pack installed just where your six-pack used to be. Even if you do manage to muster up the energy to roll into bed your partner is unlikely to be turned on if they are smothered under a ton of extra blubber, and that leads us nicely to the next problem.
8. The cable is too short
All that Taurine you’ve been drinking might make you feel more bullish but unfortunately the new super-size you has increased the geographical distance between your manhood and where it wants to be. To be blunt about it, your cable is now too short for the job and you find it difficult if not impossible to plug in and keep it plugged in and all that faffing around is more likely to switch you both off. Ok, we’ve all had disasters between the sheets but this one takes months to undo and by then your partner is likely to be plugging someone else.
9. Image transference
The mood is absolutely perfect, your partner is obviously aroused and you are about to make an entrance when for some strange reason you are reminded of a login screen. This stops you in your tracks and all you can think about is your username and password. Worse still, you are watching your partner’s facial expressions during sex and the image transforms in your mind into one of the monsters you encountered earlier that evening, again your progress is interrupted. Try explaining that to your partner and see what happens to your night of passion.
10. Addict v Addict
This one is less common than the others but serious enough to merit a mention. Your partner just happens to be addicted to gaming too. Apart from all the other problems, the whole scenario becomes much worse if you have a higher level than your partner does, which can provoke anything from basic sulky jealousy to an outright declaration of war. Inevitably there will be some degree of competitiveness, how much will depend on the character traits of your real life partner. If you are lucky, and this is extremely rare, the drive to outplay each other can lead to rampant angry sex and fantastic adventures in the bedroom but the reality is more often than not night after night facing a cold and motionless, pyjama-clad body, with no action at all.
11. Failure to heed the warning signs
Apart from all the other signs that all is not well in the bedroom department, watch out for irritating comments like “you spend more time on your Xbox/Computer than you do with me” sort of thing, which if allowed to progress will invariably end with an ultimatum like “either the computer goes or I do”. You know the score; you’ve heard it all a hundred times before. The temptation to ignore it is overwhelming. If this is you then look out. Before you know what has hit you your partner is likely to be enjoying nights of passion with someone who isn’t attached to a console. This one is nearly always fatal for your sex life as it can be difficult if not impossible to convince your partner to come back to your bed. Ok so you get peace to play and don’t have to listen to the constant nagging whilst you’re trying to complete a mission but your sex life in the real world will be well and truly over, how else when you rarely leave your screen. Your only hope of action after that will be of the virtual kind with an avatar and your right hand.
Building the Ultimate Budget PC
Building a GeForce 880 card, 2GB of RAM, and a 3GHz dual-core CPU with windows vista for less than £450
PC Case
Cooler Master RC-330 V2
Price £25.79
Scan.co.uk
Power Supply
500W FSP Blue Storm II
Price £58.62
Motherboard
Gigabyte GA-P31-DS3L
Price £46.93
Processor
Intel Pentium Dual-Core, E2180, Socket 775, Allendale Core, 2×2.0 GHz, 1MB Cache, Retail
Price £43.35
Scan.co.uk
Memory
2GB(2×1GB) Corsair TwinX XMS2
DDR2 PC2-6400
Price £34.08
Cooling Bit
Arctic Cooling Freezer 7 Pro
Price £15.26
Graphics Card
256MB XFX GeForce 8800GT
Price £117.36
Hard Drive
160GB Hitachi 7K160
Price £31.36
Scan.co.uk
DVD Writer
Optiarc
Windows Vista Home Premium
Price £59.68
CustomPC Mag lists the cheapest way to get a kick ass PC. These are UK prices and suppliers.
Which Social Network Has the Most Weirdos?
I suppose you have to start by defining weirdos. The best way to do this is if you all agree with my definition and then we have a common base point. My definition covers anyone who makes a comment on a blog pointing out the misuse of the apostrophe. Which if taken alone would mean that digg has the most hairy palmed weirdos. Have you ever read the comments on digg? Phew! Read more
‘Microtrends’ Book Says Techies No Longer The Geeks
If small is still the new big, then the biggest book of the moment is “Microtrends: The Small Forces Behind Tomorrow’s Big Changes” by Mark Penn, CEO of public-relations powerhouse Burson-Marsteller.
Penn divines the future from the niche-ification of the present. For us tech types, one observation rises to the top: As the Internet becomes ever more dominant, geeks are now welcome at the lunch table with the cool kids.
Penn’s books is essentially a modern take on the popular predictions of the late twentieth century, notably Alvin Toffler’s Future Shock and John Naisbitt’s Megatrends.
However, where those tomes trafficked in bombast, Penn sifts the sociological sands to come up with a fine-grained view of where we’re headed.
The 70+ microtrends he’s identified included the observation that people are continuing to work after retirement, tattoos are going upscale, and women are increasingly dating men size years or more younger than them.
For me Penn’s most salient observations arise in his chapter “Social Geeks”:
A funny thing happened on the way to the Star Trek convention. Technology crossed over from being a thing for introverts to being a thing for extroverts. While the cliche still hands on that devotees of technology are social “losers,” the truth is that the most enthusiastic users of technology in America are also the most social people in America.
Geeks as we know them have all but disappeared. . .Once upon a time, working with technology provided an outlet for brilliant but anti-social people who found comfort in machines that responded to them in ways that people did not.
Being tech savvy was once socially disdained. Now it is at the center of organizing friends, parties, and the social life of the family.
I guess this means I no longer have to secret my copy of Maximum PC inside an issue of People magazine. Apparently, it’s the non-iPod people who’re missing the party. Penn continues:
It’s the reluctant users – the ones who buy and use technology only when they have to –who turn out to be the introverts. These people are not only less interested in technology, they are also less interested in sports, news, magazines, and fashion. And then tend to be more conservative and cautious all around.
While I’m not sure that I totally buy Penn’s thesis — he seems to be saying that people are either interested in the world around them or they’re not.
I certainly welcome his observations as a useful antidote to the typical pocket-protector representation of tech types.
In Search Of Airborne Jr. Grape Flavor
It’s not that often that I call out to my loyal Geek With Laptop readers but today I need your help.
I’m in search of Airborne Jr. grape flavor and I can’t seem to find it at any local area store. They have every flavor except grape.
Here is what the box looks like:
After a little Google searching, I can purchase it directly from the Airborne website but I would need to get 6 tubes for approximately $41.94 USD and I only want one or two.
If you can find two boxes at a local store near you, I would be happy to pay your actual cost plus shipping to me.
My goal is to try and keep the entire deal under $25.00 USD otherwise I would just order directly from the manufacturer.
Let me know if you can or want to help me. Thanks in advance.
Why can’t SSL VPNs include NAC?
When it comes to network protection, popular wisdom has it that Secure Sockets Layer virtual private networks are the best of the current breed.
That’s why it’s alarming that most SSL VPNs can’t really protect the overall enterprise network from all kinds of infected computers.
The current buzzword is Network Access Control or NAC. This is an entirely new branch of enterprise security that tries to finesse the fact that SSL VPNs are really good at authenticating users, but when those users type on infected machines, they have less control and offer a false sense of protection.
NAC is focused on what’s running on the endpoint, not just authenticating users. It’s a great idea, and it would be even better if NAC was built into SSL VPNs to begin with.
While some of the leading vendors such as Aventail (now part of Sonicwall), F5 and Juniper have rudimentary endpoint scanning routines included in their products, other SSL vendors could do a better job of marrying these two technologies.
Still, this isn’t enough to protect the entire corporate network from a virus-laden laptop that walks into the headquarters and doesn’t use the VPN and laptops aren’t the sole issue.
What happens when more users begin to make use of smartphones and other PDAs that can carry malware and be another source of infection?
Leading vendors such as Aventail have Windows smartphone SSL clients, so that enterprise networks aren’t invaded by PDA viruses.
But not every vendor offers this kind of protection yet and some infection vectors aren’t covered, either: What happens when someone tries to compromise a network print server, for example?
Therein lies the dirty secret of endpoint security: If you want complete endpoint protection, you need to upgrade your network infrastructure. If you upgrade your infrastructure, chances are you’ll need to add software to each of your endpoints, too. It’s messy and far from ideal.
And while we’re complaining about VPNs, the most popular VPN client from Cisco can break so many other things on the average desktop that it’s often useless.
Why can’t Cisco write better VPN client software that can get along better with the standard suite of corporate applications?